Hey there, everyone. I hope you’re all having a great Sunday and are getting some decent rest in before starting another week of work. As for myself, I’m on my way out to check out the Chicago Ribfest to likely eat waaaaay too much and do some major damage to my swole. I’m going to have to hit the gym pretty hard tomorrow to make up for this afternoon. So far, the month of June has been pretty cold and rainy in Chicago, so it’s nice that we have a day in the 70′s and folks are outside in droves. It’s like someone flipped a switch and told people to come outside to kick it. Maybe I’ll start seeing some of the great Chicago summer that makes people rave about it.
The message below came in response to my “Never get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life” entry from a month and a half ago. I received very warm several emails and comments about that entry, but this is one really jumped out at me for reasons that you’ll understand shortly. I’d rather let you read his words yourself than to give a long lead-in to his message, so, without further delay, here it goes…
——-
MS wrote:
“Hello Marquis,
I just read your last posting and I wanted to reply to you directly about it. I am very touched by your words because this has been an issue that I myself have struggled with.
As a kid, “my dream” was living in a condo with some of my closest friends. It wasn’t really a dream, but more so like a perfect picture in my head. But as I grew up, I realized life wasn’t so simple – it seemed like money and fame ruled everything around me, including my friends. Seeing their motivation to succeed, I felt I had to make something out of myself. After being admitted into Berkeley (a huge achievement for me) I set my next goal to be admitted to their business school, Haas. And as I ace’d the courses and took on internships, I learned about the potential exit opportunities with that business degree. Of those exit opportunities, there was one that stood out – investment banking. Initially, I thought it was interesting, but not something that I would want to devote my life to. But truthfully, the money was so appealing.
Ever since the dot com boom my family has been struggling significantly with my father losing our life savings from poor investment decisions. I used to be very upset about it because my mom had also worked so hard to make that money, but I’ve come to realize that he had the family’s best intentions in mind. Nonetheless, I was so undecisive about the career. At times, I didn’t want to do anything else, and at other times, I couldn’t decide if I was really that driven about the money and the prestige of the job that I would sacrifice so much else. And to be honest, it is still an idea I struggle with.
Struggling between trying to become the best and managing your personal life is hard by itself. But when you have another factor, your parent’s financial well-being, it adds a whole different dynamic to the situation.
Sincerely,
MS”
——-
My response:
MS,
Thanks for checking out my blog and reaching out to share your story with me after reading my April 23th entry. When I wrote that entry, I didn’t know how people would take it, but, after seeing emails like yours, I’m glad that folks have responded so positively toward it. In particular, your email was so personal that I was truly touched that you trusted me enough to share a family-related story like that with me. My jaw literally dropped after reading it and, as I sit here reading it again, my jaw has dropped yet again. I wanted to respond to you before now, but I’ve been hella busy in the past month and I wanted to make sure I devoted enough time to provide a suitable response. Please don’t think that my delay in responding indicates a lack of interest in your email…that definitely isn’t the case.
I’ll start by saying that I can totally identify with those “dreams” from your earlier years. When we’re young, things seem so simple and it’s easy to latch on to hopes of huge things without thinking about the full implications of them. And then, real life has a way of complicating it all as we get older. You shared a lot in your email, but, to me, it seems that the most important part of your story is the relationship with your parents, specifically your father. Trust me when I say that I understand what it’s like to manage your own life and career with your family’s well-being as another primary area of concern. That’s neither a good nor bad thing, but it does bring a different dynamic and can add more pressure to the situation. It’s all a part of being in a family, right?
So, how does this dovetail with your career choice? I can understand how your family’s financial situation could lead you to chase the big bucks, but please don’t let that be the reason that you select a career path. An investment banking position is far from easy and, given the likely workload, I would HIGHLY recommend that you think about whether you’re interested enough in it to pursue that path. Money and prestige are nice, but you’ve got to ask yourself whether you’re truly ready for the required lifestyle tradeoff. How about this?…Try thinking about the career path that would make you happiest and then figure out if you can make that work. If that path ends up being I-banking, then you’ve got a win-win ($$$ to support your family and a job that interests you)…if not, then I’d recommend doing what would make you smile and trusting that God will work everything out for you to look out for your family anyway.
And, regardless of which career path you choose, it might be useful for you to share your feelings about what led to your family’s financial struggles with your parents. It’ll be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s much better than the alternative of keeping it all bottled in and harboring resentment for your father’s poor investment decisions. You don’t have to do it now, but it might really help to ease your mind to have that discussion and air this all out. Just think about it and let your heart guide you on this one…
Thanks again for sharing your story with me and I hope my words were helpful in some way. The fact that you saw me as someone worthy to give input on something so personal is truly humbling to me. As you said, “trying to become the best and managing your personal life is hard by itself”, but, if you try to prioritize what’s truly important (in this case, your family), it should be much easier to find the balance that you need. Take care and I hope everything works out for you and your parents.
Marquis
The message below came in response to my “Never get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life” entry from a month and a half ago. I received very warm several emails and comments about that entry, but this is one really jumped out at me for reasons that you’ll understand shortly. I’d rather let you read his words yourself than to give a long lead-in to his message, so, without further delay, here it goes…
——-
MS wrote:
“Hello Marquis,
I just read your last posting and I wanted to reply to you directly about it. I am very touched by your words because this has been an issue that I myself have struggled with.
As a kid, “my dream” was living in a condo with some of my closest friends. It wasn’t really a dream, but more so like a perfect picture in my head. But as I grew up, I realized life wasn’t so simple – it seemed like money and fame ruled everything around me, including my friends. Seeing their motivation to succeed, I felt I had to make something out of myself. After being admitted into Berkeley (a huge achievement for me) I set my next goal to be admitted to their business school, Haas. And as I ace’d the courses and took on internships, I learned about the potential exit opportunities with that business degree. Of those exit opportunities, there was one that stood out – investment banking. Initially, I thought it was interesting, but not something that I would want to devote my life to. But truthfully, the money was so appealing.
Ever since the dot com boom my family has been struggling significantly with my father losing our life savings from poor investment decisions. I used to be very upset about it because my mom had also worked so hard to make that money, but I’ve come to realize that he had the family’s best intentions in mind. Nonetheless, I was so undecisive about the career. At times, I didn’t want to do anything else, and at other times, I couldn’t decide if I was really that driven about the money and the prestige of the job that I would sacrifice so much else. And to be honest, it is still an idea I struggle with.
Struggling between trying to become the best and managing your personal life is hard by itself. But when you have another factor, your parent’s financial well-being, it adds a whole different dynamic to the situation.
Sincerely,
MS”
——-
My response:
MS,
Thanks for checking out my blog and reaching out to share your story with me after reading my April 23th entry. When I wrote that entry, I didn’t know how people would take it, but, after seeing emails like yours, I’m glad that folks have responded so positively toward it. In particular, your email was so personal that I was truly touched that you trusted me enough to share a family-related story like that with me. My jaw literally dropped after reading it and, as I sit here reading it again, my jaw has dropped yet again. I wanted to respond to you before now, but I’ve been hella busy in the past month and I wanted to make sure I devoted enough time to provide a suitable response. Please don’t think that my delay in responding indicates a lack of interest in your email…that definitely isn’t the case.
I’ll start by saying that I can totally identify with those “dreams” from your earlier years. When we’re young, things seem so simple and it’s easy to latch on to hopes of huge things without thinking about the full implications of them. And then, real life has a way of complicating it all as we get older. You shared a lot in your email, but, to me, it seems that the most important part of your story is the relationship with your parents, specifically your father. Trust me when I say that I understand what it’s like to manage your own life and career with your family’s well-being as another primary area of concern. That’s neither a good nor bad thing, but it does bring a different dynamic and can add more pressure to the situation. It’s all a part of being in a family, right?
So, how does this dovetail with your career choice? I can understand how your family’s financial situation could lead you to chase the big bucks, but please don’t let that be the reason that you select a career path. An investment banking position is far from easy and, given the likely workload, I would HIGHLY recommend that you think about whether you’re interested enough in it to pursue that path. Money and prestige are nice, but you’ve got to ask yourself whether you’re truly ready for the required lifestyle tradeoff. How about this?…Try thinking about the career path that would make you happiest and then figure out if you can make that work. If that path ends up being I-banking, then you’ve got a win-win ($$$ to support your family and a job that interests you)…if not, then I’d recommend doing what would make you smile and trusting that God will work everything out for you to look out for your family anyway.
And, regardless of which career path you choose, it might be useful for you to share your feelings about what led to your family’s financial struggles with your parents. It’ll be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s much better than the alternative of keeping it all bottled in and harboring resentment for your father’s poor investment decisions. You don’t have to do it now, but it might really help to ease your mind to have that discussion and air this all out. Just think about it and let your heart guide you on this one…
Thanks again for sharing your story with me and I hope my words were helpful in some way. The fact that you saw me as someone worthy to give input on something so personal is truly humbling to me. As you said, “trying to become the best and managing your personal life is hard by itself”, but, if you try to prioritize what’s truly important (in this case, your family), it should be much easier to find the balance that you need. Take care and I hope everything works out for you and your parents.
Marquis
Son, I can't help but love ya! "mom"