Yesterday, I went down to Atlantic City to go to the christening ceremony for one of my college roommates’ new daughter. It all started off in NYC with me trying to rent a car, which turned into a major hassle. I did everything right by reserving a car for a 9am pickup earlier in the week, but, when I got there to get the car, I saw a line of 6 people in front of me waiting for cars. By the time I got my car, it was past 10:30 and I was about an hour behind schedule. I had been told that it would take me 2 hours to get down there, so I thought I still had a chance to make it for the christening, but I ended up getting stuck in some of the slowest traffic imaginable on the way down due to an accident that happened on the Garden State Parkway. The supposed 2 hour drive down ended up taking me over 3 1/2 hours. I missed the entire christening, but I did get there in time to attend the reception afterward (and get my grub on). It was great to hang out with my boy and his family and, especially, to see his little girl…she’s damn near perfect. Cute as all get-out and she never cried once with all the people who were goo-goo’ing all around her and picking her up constantly. Even better, I got a chance to see my friend stress-free and totally content for the first time ever in all my years of knowing him. As I was driving down, I realized that I’ve known their family for ten years and that they always looked out for me when I was at Princeton, so it was good to be able to share that day with them. after talking to him and seeing how happy he is, it really got me thinking about the family thing, dating, and relationships in general…and that brings me to why I am telling this story.

It recently occurred to me that one subject I’d never written about in this blog is dating scene in business school. I guess the best way to approach this would be to break it into three categories and comment on each:

1. Single people:
- I started with this group because it is potentially the most complicated one to deal with. Most B-school students come in single and these people have any number of goals when it comes to school, including staying single and hitting the books, finding their perfect match and heading to the altar one day, taking the time to casually date, and using their new MBA pedigree to get as much action as possible. I have classmates that fall into all of those categories and saw mixed success with their goals. Rather than going into details on specific stories, I’ll just give some words of advice:

a. This is graduate school, not college, so be prepared to get your “grown and sexy” on…not your “drunk and stupid”. I know that drunken hook-ups were the big move in college, but that is not the case when you get to business school. Again, without going into details, I’ll just say that stories spread pretty quickly when you’re in an enclosed social environment like B-school, so it doesn’t looks good to be that person who goes out every week, gets drunk as a skunk, and ends up trying to mack on every prospect possible. We’re adults now, so, for the sake of your reputations, PLEASE try to act accordingly…people have long memories.

b. Be careful if you try to date within the business school because there is no guarantee that it will go well. I wouldn’t say that people are guaranteed to put your business out in the street, but, if that were to happen and you were the one who did wrong, you could end up looking like an ass to a decent percentage of your future network.

c. Don’t be afraid to venture out into the other graduate schools for dating prospects. I know a couple of people who have found success with prospects from other departments and I imagine that the conversations would be a lot more interesting if you are on a date with someone who won’t be talking about the topics you’ll hear all the time at school, like net present value, Porter’s Five Forces, and balance sheets.

d. It might seem cool to go after undergraduates, but you’d be better served not doing so. Chances are, it won’t take much game to pull one of them, but, when the word gets out that your 25+ year old self has been trying to go after 18-20 year olds, you’ll come off looking hella shady.

e. Professors are OFF LIMITS!!! I didn’t hear stories of anyone getting down with a professor this past year, but, in some cases, the profs can be around the same age as the students and there is always a possibility of something going down. I realize that this should go without saying, but some people might consider knocking off a prof as an accomplishment of some sort. As hard as it is to get into B-school, is it really worth messing up your grades to be able to say that you were able to get down with a faculty member?

f. Ladies, I know that this is a weird time for some of you because you may be in your mid to late 20’s, but please keep your standards as high as they normally would be and don’t put out the vibe that you’re looking for a man. Some guys will sense that and use it to their advantage to reel you in…only to cut you off later on. There are a lot of double standards out there and, although it isn’t fair, women have to be extra careful about how they are perceived when it comes to dating because a shaky reputation (whether earned or perceived) is very hard to change once it is established. Also, be on the lookout for guys who want to make you their meal-ticket…there are some really bootleg guys out there who want to find a woman to take care of them, so don’t let yourself be a victim. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the heart, it can get complicated and I’d be a foul dude if I didn’t at least warn you about this.

g. Fellas, if you’re going to make moves on MBA women, you’ve got to make sure that your game is as tight as possible or else you’ll be a sad, sad soul. It is likely that any woman that you become attracted to at school is as smart, if not smarter, than you and those old “I work at/as [insert big-time company or job title] and went to school at [insert big name university]”, “Hey, Miss Lady…”, and “Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he’s missing an angel!” lines that used to work well for you just won’t cut it. Be as real and straight-forward as possible and get used to introducing YOURSELF and not your ACCOMPLISHMENTS because that will set you apart from the other cats at your school who are trying to holla at the same set of women…and don’t be that dude who tries to mack on every woman in your class because that will either have you looking skuzzy or lame. Also, be wary of those shark females…you know what I mean…those women who will get extra geeked about you when they find out you’re pursuing an MBA from a top school. I’ve heard (and seen for myself) how some women’s vibe changes when they find out about your schooling and, if that happens, take that as a sign to do like Saddam and retreat into a fox-hole. Some are trying to dig in your pockets and others are trying to get a wedding ring out of you, so make sure that any woman you deal with is checking for you and not your resume. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the booty, it can get complicated and I’d be turning my back on part of the “Fellas’ Charter” if I didn’t give these warnings

2. People in committed relationships:
- It’s hard to tell what can happen with the people in this group. I’ve seen cross-country relationships stay as strong as ever with the student and the SO making do with monthly visits and regular phone calls. I’ve seen relationships that classmates had with people who were within a couple hours drive of campus fizzle in no time flat. At most B-schools, there is a day referred to as “Black Monday” (the first Monday after Thanksgiving), which is supposed to represent the first day of singlehood for people who started the school year in relationships who broke up with their SO’s over the holiday weekend. Everyone likely comes into school believing that they‘ll be one of the success stories, but things can switch quickly when you enter a place full of incredibly intelligent and driven people who can share experiences that you’ve never even fathomed before. One thing that I’ve learned is that the changes that one goes through while in school can either make a relationship stronger or lead someone to end their relationship. This is something that MUST be considered when deciding on whether to keep things going or not because I imagine that going through a break-up is hell when you’ve got class readings, assignments, and exams to worry about at the same time.

3. Married/Engaged people:
- I originally thought that this would be the group that would have the relationship game locked down because they’ve already made their commitments to a mate before coming to school. Unfortunately, I learned that these people have issues to deal with too. It seems that a lot of people underestimate the stress that being in business school and the time that it requires can have on a relationship. I had classmates who had to be in class all day and then in study group sessions all night and, all the while, their spouse was left at home alone often with kids to watch. I can think of some fantastic examples of classmates who put their families first and minimized the after-hours activities so they could be home for family time, but it had to have been a struggle to come to that decision because so many bonds are built with classmates over drinks and/or random dinners in the evening. If a couple has no kids and the mate is working, then it doesn’t seem to be that bad because the mate would have their own stuff going on too, but this isn’t always how it goes down for childless couples. I’ve heard stories of some international students who have SO’s who can’t work in the US because of visa issues, so they don’t really have much to do when the student is occupied. There is a strong couples network within the GSB and a lot of the wives/husbands of students know each other well and they do kick it, but I imagine that it has to be hard to be an SO of a student. I hope that all of the married/engaged soon-to-be students will have long conversations with their mates about this issue before matriculating this Fall.

As for myself, none of this was a big issue for me because I came to the GSB single and came into the school year with thoughts of being single throughout my time at Stanford. My thinking was that B-school would be hard enough without having to worry about keeping a long distance relationship going or being on the prowl around campus, so I just made school my focus and didn’t think about much else. For most of the year, I was cool with that, but, as lame as it sounds to say it, it can get really lonely going through this process after a while. There are so many things that can stress you out, make you happy, and just plain kick you in the butt in business school and dealing with all of that by one’s self is tough. I saw a lot of classmates who had relationships break up over the course of the school year, but I also saw others keep their long distance ones going and other establish strong relationships (with other B-schoolers and grad students from other departments at Stanford), so it got me rethinking my view on it all. I’m still 100% focused on school, which is an absolute must to get these two degrees and still graduate on time, but I think I would be open to finding someone during this second year of school. It’s not like I’m on the hunt or anything (because I don’t have much extra time), but, if Miss Right finds me and has her game on point, she might be able to holla at The Kid . Now that I think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people who had my initial view during the start of their first year have decided to make a similar change in mindset…something tells me that there is going to be a whole lot of pimpin’ going on around the GSB starting in the Fall.